I Felt So Happy it Stopped Me in My Tracks and I Sat Down and Cried

Feb 26, 2026   Thailand
BLOG: Un-related thoughts and activites of the day . . . .

I don't want to regurgitate the same old shit and I'm not saying I haven't been happy for 4 years, but it's been challenging, I'm still not myself, and I'm fighting all the time to get back.

I remember the first time I felt happy after getting sick. I don't remember the date but I remember I took a picture of myself in Summer's pool.

What's important today is that I just had another one of those milestones.

After my omelet with cheese single and white bread breakfast, I started walking home along the beach and decided to go for a jump in the ocean.

(Side note: I'm really trying to listen to what my soul wants to do. Don't just keep walking. Go ahead, jump in the water! Why not?)

I even climbed up on the sea platform so I could view the turquoise water and reef below. So many fish, some blue clams, white sand; it was undescribably beautiful. That I swam in the crystal clear water and couldn't believe where I was. On the walk back up the beach toward my bungalow I couldn't believe how happy I was. I thought the words in my head "I feel incredible". I repeated it to myself "I feel incredible" and I couldn't believe I was saying those words.

I was overcome with emotion. I put my things down and sat on the rocks and started crying. Tears were running down my face and I couldn't stop.

I cried for a while, marveling in the fact that I've made it to this point. I ran back out into the sea (is it a sea?), flopped down, splashed the water over my head and felt INCREDIBLE.

Then, after I thought "this feels like heaven" the next thought was "holy shit, am I dead?" Then I thought of the Italian man's name, Angelo. Angel? If I were to die, I might build Koh Wai Paradise as the paradise I would go to. And that's why by some miracle it hasn't changed a bit in 23 years! OMG This is a very real possibility.

Okay but really, isn't this what travel is all about? Introspection, finding yourself, finding happiness. This is it. Okay and finding the perfect beach; a slice of heaven. ;)