Travel Jealousy in in Full Bloom
Apr 24, 2022   
BLOG: Un-related thoughts and activites of the day . . . .

My wings have been clipped and I miss travel! Shoot, I miss LIFE!
My wings have been clipped and I miss travel! Shoot, I miss LIFE!
Seeing all the people out there being active, traveling, enjoying life; I feel like such a shut-in! Where has my life gone?!
Part of accepting my current situation with this Long Covid bullshit, is accepting that I simply cannot travel. Not at the moment anyway, and probably not for the rest of the year.

After getting much worse since my last post, fortunately, I have now started to see some improvement in my health the last couple of weeks (!), but I'm still not able to drive, exercise, work, etc. so it's not like I'm ready to get back out into life just yet. I can barely even muster the energy and concentration (over multiple days) to write this post. It's not just fatigue; it's a whole host of symptoms including the complete lack of any muscle, brain fog (I can't multi-task, problem solve, recall words, or even speak articulately most of the time), constant ringing in my head, weight gain, random sharp pains, jitters throughout my entire body, feeling like I'm on drugs, etc. All of which can range from debilitating at its worst to annoying at the best of times.

The consensus on treatment (still nobody really knows what exactly causes it! endothelial inflammation, auto-immune reaction, capillary/red blood cell malfunction, nerve damage, lack of oxygen to all organs - fun stuff) is rest rest rest (among a whole host of supplements and tricks I'm employing including vagus nerve stimulation, brain puzzles, and cold therapy). Pushing through makes it worse.
SEHNSUCHT
A wistful longing and yearing in the heart for travels past and future
So here I am spending most of my days in bed as even standing upright raises my heartrate to 120, and simple household tasks like making the bed or showering make it go up to 150+ making me exhausted and out of breath and ready to hop back into bed. As well as I've done with this whole acceptance thing, it is still so devastating to have had to set my life aside pretty much entirely.

My travel gear sits gathering dust and instead of buying bathing suits for the new thinner body I had finally achieved pre-covid (that has also gone to shit), I buy pajamas and loungewear (online of course because I can't even go shopping at the store). Instead of hopping on a bus in Bangkok, visiting my friends on the beach in Costa Rica, or getting ready for my long-awaited house sit in Bali, I'm in bed with a coloring book deciding if I want to color the flowers around the word F%#K or the roosters surrounding the word C@%#SUCKER.

The adult coloring book is part of my attempt to find things I can keep busy with with less time staring at my phone or the TV. Oh, now I can get to the point of this post - can you see that I'm easily distracted? That's also why I no longer cook if nobody is home. I have too many times forgotten that I have something on the stove. :(
FERNWEH
A yearning, a longing, an ache for far-off places you've never even been to
Ok focus, the POINT of this post. I am of course a member of many travel groups on Facebook. All full of people living their now-almost-normal post-covid lives and out there traveling again. They are exploring, adventuring, relaxing on tropical beaches, discovering new destinations. Me? I found a new teal colored pen perfect for the octopus's tentacles!

Oh how I long to be able to hop on a plane whenever the mood strikes me (which is often)! If I had enough focus, I could at least start writing posts for Leslies' Travel Snacks from previous travels. But that takes thought and planning - both of which are unfortunately challenging for me right now.
WANDERLUST
A strong impluse or longing to travel and explort the world
"Once the wanderulst is in your blodd, it's there for life."
Can you imaging how my computer programming is going?! My budget travel app that I've put at least 500 hours into, is now a pile of crap because I was working on it for couple of months after I got sick with covid and I didn't realize that my reasoning wasn't quite intact. It wasn't until A) it got much worse in month 3 and B) I tried using the app, that I realized that the work I had done was complete garbage and I pretty much ruined my app. Ugh!!

I'm strong and I will get through this. That's the mantra my therapist has given me, and it works most of the time. I only falter sometimes when I let the realization sink in that there could be permanent brain damage from all of this. But no, no no no no NO. I will get myself back and I will be an efficient, smart, adventurous traveler again!! This has been an incredible opportunity to practice patience and positivity. For now, envy will remain. .

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